Growing time~
Guess I’ve got a lot to learn. Yeah, I guess I’ve got a lot to learn.
Don’t leave me here. You said You would not forsake me, but You never said
That You wouldn’t break me to make me over in the image of You. In the dark
Night of the soul when there’s no comfort in prayin’, not a moment’s pleasure
In strayin’, You’re the only shelter I know.
When feelings fail, when close enough isn’t good enough, when “full enough”
Just isn’t full enough, Your grace will be sufficient for me. No wind to sail.
No rain to water the flower. In my most desperate hour, You will be the
Strength that I need." (Growing - W. Watson)
In this season of thanksgiving, I find myself in a growing season. God has led me to plant myself in a new church body of believers and to step out in faith that He will bless this time among this new church family. I'm not losing anything of my old church family; but just like a child grows to embark on life when they reach a certain point, now is time for me to get outside my comfortable, predictable box. I have a firm foundation that my dear family/friends at TBC have helped me develop and now it is time to work on the other things that I need that won't be found with them in this part of my faith journey. I'm sure I will still have face time with those who desire me to be with them and even at some neat events they would put on that really made times jovial. What is that phrase - absence makes the heart grow fonder? Well, not that this is exactly like that, but perhaps time growing away from familiar faces will make me that much more in the times I return to fellowship. I don't know. Only He does.
I'm actually very excited about this new adventure in my faith journey. I know God has so much He wants me to know and learn about Him. More than that, Kimberly is starting her own faith journey with assurance of salvation. Oh, how I do desire to watch what God has waiting for her and how He will use her to further His Kingdom! I'm like a kid in a candy store with eyes wide with excitement and heart fluttering.
That said, I know this decision has saddened some that love me. I'm sad too - not out of any regret, but because I will miss them very much. I had a dear one send me a message saying 'sorry' for hurting me. For the life of me, I couldn't think of a single time where she had hurt me. Perhaps she was thinking that her busyness or something had hurt me. No! Perish the thought. It was simply a decision that had to be made because I no longer felt I was forward moving in my faith. I felt like I was treading water - and that is no way to be when my desire is to be passionate about my God. Yes - maybe there were some on the surface stuff that nudged me to make a decision about where I was to be, but those things really are superficial. I mean, I was among that body of believers for almost 15 years and managed fine for all that time with the differences in education environments and the like. You know, just came time for me to stop forcing myself to 'fit' and realize that I was not growing any longer. It took a request of a loved one to join her for a time at her church and for Kimberly to have that family connection to chart this new course.
When I fervently started praying for direction related to where we were to plant ourselves and take root, I really didn't know what would be the answer. I mean, there was no guarantee that He would lead me to my new church home to be the one where our family member was - there are a so many churches in this city I live in - that there was any number of answers that could have come. In addition, His answer could have been to stay at TBC. However, much to Kimberly's joy, the answer was to join the family of believers at the church where she has paternal family ties. Sure, it doesn't hurt that this church has ministries for divorced/broken families, singles, youth and on it goes. Doesn't even hurt that there is a chance that He has a husband/father waiting to be revealed to us and we can be a restored family unit. I don't know His will. And that is frustrating to the nth degree - but that is what is so awesome about God. Nothing He does is predictable when it comes to our present day/lives. Yes, we have the Word, and in that there is predictability - yet still some mystery. I think that is what makes reading and meditating on His Word revealing each time we pick it up. And I'm ready for more of this feeling of anticipation and revelation.
Anticipation and revelation - sounds like I'm in for some serious growing.
Be blessed and be a blessing~
W
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